Accessorising for the Apocalyspe – Hats

by GClarkHellery
You’ve been given the three minute warning for the arrival of the apocalypse. You’re busy packing food, clothes and essential equipment but that’s no reason to forget your accessories and today we’ll be looking at hats!

Riding hat
Like a hard hat, a riding hat will protect your noggin against the worst werewolf bite. Also, given that horses are likely to be few (even a die hard vegetarian will enjoy BBQ horse meat when the rest of the food runs out) once you tame your dragon enough to ride it, at least your head will be protected.

Peruvian hat/deerstalker
Use your knitting skills (see Craft Corner: Knitting for Fun and Survival) to create a fun and unique hat which keeps your head and your ears warm. What if apocalyptic creatures aren’t large and thrashing, but small and crawly? You’ll need to keep your ears covered to stop creeping insects/nanobots from getting into your brain. Remember Jayne’s hat his mother knitted for him in Firefly? That hat took on a character of its own, cheering up the crew and keeping his head warm on cold nights in space. Didn’t we all say ‘aww’ at momma Jayne for knitting her son a stand-out hat. Unique gifts might be hard to find and nothing says ‘I care’ like knitwear.

The classic Mexican hat comes in a range of colours and styles. With a wide brim, not only will a sombrero keep the sun and radiation off of you, you can use it to serve up nachos to your team an the end of a busy day of killing charging orcs.

Baseball hat
Baseball hats allow you to make a statement. Wearing one, you can show your support for your favourite sports team, film or get one to match your camouflage fatigues. Baseball hats match most outfits. Also, you can use them to promote team spirit by getting them embroidered with your team name (see Picking Your Team) or a motivational phrase.

Santa hat
The plain red and white hats now feature a number of additions, from flashing lights or witty comments. Santa hats never fail to raise a smile and will help you remember long lost happier Christmas’ as you unwrap your new uzi from a loved one.

Cowgirl hat
Cute, pink and fluffy. No, I’m not describing the only guy who survived the nuclear explosion, it’s a cowgirl hat. Pop one of these on and you’ll soon be calling ‘howdy par’ner’ and throwing imaginary lassos. There’s a sense of frivolity and fun with a cowgirl hat that’s rarely seen in other head wear. Also, they look kick-ass when coupled with weaponry.

Novelty hats
Hats featuring large animals, horns or which turn your head into a flower should really be avoided. Do you want to turn yourself into a walking, talking daffodil? Perhaps a large banner over your head reading ‘eat me’ would be more suitable.

Hats pull an outfit together. They send you from freak to chic and they also hide a multitude of hair disasters – if you’ve missed a hair wash or two and forgot your dry shampoo, throw on a hat and cover the carnage.

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