ANOS – Apocalypses Not Otherwise Specified – No1: SLUGS

You know about your zombies… your outbreaks and viral attacks… your nuclear wars… but what about the ANOS.

Oh yes… the ANOS

Apocalypse Not Otherwise Specified.

In this series of posts I am going to outline possible ANOS scenarios. The horrifying ends that writers and film makers have imagined for us that haven’t quite made it into the annuls of ‘apocalypses we not only celebrate but actively plan for’ but yet have a creeping level of possibility in them that perhaps warrants a re-think of their ANOS status.

This week I bring you that shell-less terror Hutson unleashed upon the world within the pages of the same-named book (and the subsequent movie adaption) and that starred in one of the scariest, most freaky 80s brat pack movies ever, the horrifying ‘Society’. I bring you – SLUGS

Because, let’s face it, there’s a very real possibility that these slimy, malignant creatures could be deprived of their natural food sources and find themselves jonesin’ for a little nibble of long pig. Or, having mutated, they could already have taken human form and be walking amongst us even now, picking us off one by one.

Chances are, if that happens, people won’t be prepared for it. I mean, not many folk like slugs but it’s a sure thing no one looks at a slug and thinks ‘potential predator of the human race’. But it could happen… it could. And in the event that it does, here are a few tips that may save you from becoming a human-sized slug feast.

• Always carry salt in your hand bag or man bag – slugs don’t like the salt, it makes them buuuuurn

• Pack a taser – get those puppies wet and it’s a sure fire humansVSslugs win when the electricity hits the slime

• Wear large boots. In the event of salt supplies running low or your taser failing to work due to lack of water, these will enable you to stamp your way to freedom

• Don’t chuck raw meat down sewers or drains… seriously… it’ll only encourage them

• Invited to a party by creepy folk who’ve never spoken to you before? RUN. You’re the hors d’oeuvres AND the party trick (be afraid)

• Ever meet anyone who seems to have a fetish for scoffing hair also RUN. Chances are it’s a human slug fiend wanting to munch on your tender flesh

Last but not least – trust no slug. They might look innocent and vegetarian right now but, hiding beneath that mucus-slicked flesh, a killer is waiting to emerge…

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