Shovels and their many uses

Shovels are your friend.

Come the zombie apocalypse they are weapons, sharp enough to take a head off, don’t need reloading, you don’t even need to be good with the thing, no skill here folks, just ram it at them roughly neck height and don’t let go of the handle. In fact it doesn’t need to be zombies, a good whack around the skull or ramming the edge into the throat and you can dispense more than just the animated dead.

You can dig holes to hide your stash of emergency supplies whether you suss out whether the new people are safe or not, hell you can dig holes to sleep in and cover yourself in leaves at a pinch so you can remain safely hidden while you sleep.

Shallow graves, say you are out training for the zompoc with your friends and umm, oops, didn’t mean to do that, quickly hide the evidence.

Strange and unpleasant substances? Poke it or shove it with your shovel, see if it moves or you know, attacks. If it does attack, whack it. Of course they are also made for purpose for gardening, the one thing you can’t do without when ‘digging for when the canned goods run out’ is your shovel.

Make sure you have at least one and keep it somewhere accessible. I still haven’t told my mum the real reason I leave my garden tools so close to the back door is just in case of the zompoc, but that’s why it’s there.

You can even get cute little fold up shovels now you can fit into a back pack. How perfect is that?
Honeybadger out.

Review| The Kill Crew by Joseph D’Lacey

I don’t normally do this but i’m cross posting this from Un:Bound because it’s definitely one for my girls… strong female lead, end of the world, guns and stuff… Honeybadger out.

The Kill Crew
 by Joseph D’Lacey
 pub Stonegarden.net
 The five word review? ‘F*ck me that was great’.

Sheri volunteers on the kill crew regularly, she’s on it more than a lot of the men that volunteer and she’s damn good at it. Since the world went quiet it’s pretty much what keeps her going. Can’t say much more than that for fear of spoilers.

 D’Lacey does a superb job of little by little building the world post ‘event’, letting the reader in on what they need to know and creating the characters that matter. The knife edge between hope and inevitability is handled masterfully and I was held, rapt throughout. There are some nice twists and the action is mostly deceptively gentle in pace for a fairly violent story.

 Zombie fans, this is….. something wonderfully, deliciously different and yet still right up your street. It asks the questions zombie tales usually duck and hints at things that twist your head a little. In short, it’s brilliant, it’s tempting me to Meat even though the subject matter is a particular squick issue for me. I will perhaps read everything else he’s written first…. also, that cover, very Girls Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse.

Zombie Survival Can, review


First of all as a drink I have to say I prefer the taste of the zombie survival can to redbull or relentless. It has something of  a refresher sweets quality so it goes down easily.
As to the claims it makes on its handy ‘In case of zombie apocalypse’ guide.
‘Drink entire can contents to ensure speedy escape’
Hmm, I am not convinced the drink made me faster or even gave me more stamina for running. I felt no great burst of leg power after drinking and would require some convincing of this claim.
‘Fill can with rock, then throw can at zombie’
I have two issues with this, first, the time taken to fill the can’s small opening with small pebbles would probably allow zombies to gather and eat you. Second, it’s a small can of pebbles. It’s not going to destroy the brain or spinal column so throwing cans is unlikely to be an effective defence.
‘Substitute for gas mask in case of toxic cloud’
Frankly if I had a gas mask I’d hang on to it, however the empty can would contain a small additional air supply so in a pinch, with your face sealed off via plastic bag or masking tape, then the can could give you a few more moments to escape the cloud and unwrap your head. I’ll give them that one.
‘Use can to collect rain water, boil if necessary’.
Absolutely yes. Quite right, especially if you can find a piece of plastic to use as a funnel the can could be key life saving equipment.
‘Dispose of can properly, sounds of litter can alert zombies to your presence’
Always a good idea to clean up signs of your presence.
What they missed…
This is an energy drink and I must admit I am feeling buzzy and alert after drinking it, so I would recommend it for guard duty, those all important small hours of the morning when it’s so hard to stay sharp. A little extra buzz could save your life and the lives of everyone in your camp.
Overall then I’d say, it’s a little pricey and probably any energy drink would do, but the zombie survival can does come with a handy pictorial reminder of its uses and it a nice little liquid buzz. Worth having a couple in your bug out bag. Or just for really long meetings.

Apocalypse First Aid – Unconscious (and un-zombied)

The main purpose of First Aid is to keep an injured person stable until the Emergency Medical Services arrive. Of course in the event of apocalypse they might not be available.

In a First Aid situation you should always get help straight away.
If you have a doctor or medic in your team refer to them. If there aren’t any professionals available make sure you have back up, you shouldn’t deal with this on your own.
It is worth having some First Aid knowledge yourself so you can help out injured teammates and keep yourself from danger.

Unconscious Casualty
Whenever you are dealing with an unconscious person remember DRAB.

DangerAlways check if it’s safe to approach. This is especially important during the apocalypse.
If you are dealing with a zompoc your first instinct on seeing an unconscious body should be Double Tap. Remove the head or destroy the brain.

Response – If it is safe to approach see if you can get a response from them. Try talking, shouting, prodding them with something, shaking, light pinching, or your most hilarious joke. If you get no response they are probably unconscious, but be careful it could be a trap.
If they do respond then they are (hopefully) conscious, so something else is probably wrong and hopefully they can tell you what that is.
If they say “Braaains” RUN!

If they are unconscious:

Airway – The airway needs to be as wide as possible to make breathing easier. To extend the airway put a hand on the forehead and use two fingers on the chin to tilt the head right back. This is very important and can help them to breathe again without further action on your part.
Here’s a quick demonstration you can try right now:

  • Put your chin as close to your chest as possible and take a deep breath.
  • Now tilt your head back as far as you can and take another deep breath.

Feel that? That difference is absolutely vital when you can’t move your head and all your muscles are completely relaxed.

Breathing – Check if they are breathing. If you are comfortable doing so put your cheek above their nose and mouth to see if you can feel breath. Look along the body to see if the chest is rising and falling. Do this for no more than 10 seconds.

First Aiders are no longer advised to check for a pulse.
It’s hard to find one if you don’t know how, you can waste time doing it, and you might find your own blood is thundering in your ears too much to find one, especially if it’s weak.

If they are breathing normally put them in the recovery position (see below).
If they aren’t breathing start chest compressions. Here is hard man Vinnie Jones to tell us how.

If you are comfortable doing so you can perform mouth-to-mouth (this is an excellent way of spreading disease, so don’t do it if you aren’t comfortable). Only ever perform mouth-to-mouth on someone who isn’t breathing.

  • Make sure the airway is fully extended, otherwise the air won’t go where it’s needed.
  • Pinch the nostrils closed.
  • Cover their mouth with yours and blow into their mouth steadily.
  • Lift your head to breathe in and check if the chest rises (if it does you got it right, well done you).

Each breath should take 1 second.
Do 2 of these rescue breaths after every 30 compressions.
If you aren’t sure whether you’re doing it right just do the compressions.

It’s worth mentioning that CPR is only a stop gap measure until the professionals arrive. It’s a way of pumping oxygenated blood to the brain while the body can’t do it properly. You aren’t supposed to do it for more than 10 minutes. If help isn’t coming, and the casualty isn’t breathing, stop before you exhaust yourself.

If someone doesn’t have a pulse CPR will not bring them back to life. 

Recovery Position
If a casualty is breathing but unconscious put them in to the recovery position.
There have been various different ways of doing the recovery position, but the most important things are:

  • The casualty is resting stably on their side and can’t roll onto their back.
  • The airway is extended. 
  • The head is supported 
  • The mouth is pointing down.

This is important because any vomit (or other unwanted fluid) should end up outside the body, not sitting in the throat blocking the precious, precious oxygen.

One of the keys things about unconscious people is that they don’t move of their own accord, so you can move them into different positions. One of the other key things is that they have no muscle responses and they are completely floppy, so you will have to do all of the moving for them.

Once someone is in the recovery position you can let go of them and even leave them. Though if there are carnivores around that might not be a good idea.

Here is a lady from the British Red Cross demonstrating what to do.

Remember in an apocalypse situation everyone will be more disheveled and dirty, and something will probably be on fire in the background.

When doing First Aid always get help as soon as possible. Do not do anything to put yourself in danger.
If you want to learn more check professional groups like The Red Cross and St. John’s Ambulance.

I am not a medical professional, simply a well-informed amateur with a background in lifeguarding.

Hekate out.

Music for the Apocalypse #36: God Save the Queen, by The Sex Pistols

Queen Elizabeth II
God Save the Queen (but if he can’t, dibs on that hat)

Liz X from The Beast Below, Doctor Who
“I’m the bloody queen, mate.”

As the second longest reigning monarch of these isles of Britannia (the longest reigning being the formidable Victoria), there’s a lot to admire in Liz II. In fact, the queens of Great Britain have a lot going for them altogether. Pope Sixtus V said of Liz I: “She is only a woman, only mistress of half an island, and yet she makes herself feared by Spain, by France, by the Empire, by all”, and the success of both Liz I and II’s reigns inspired the rather wonderful Liz X, in one of the most marvellous episodes of the Matt Smith era of Doctor Who, ‘The Beast Below’. Liz X saves her people from the death of the Earth by whisking them away on Staship UK.

And yet, although any girl with what it takes to survive an apocalypse has to admire these ladies, the apocalypse is rarely kind to royalty. James Herbert’s ’48 begins with the protagonist occupying Buckingham Palace – deserted after the end of the world. In I, Zombie, by Al Ewing, the palace becomes a pulsating incubator for horrifying insectoid aliens. And, even though the human race survives in her hands, The Beast Below is hardly uncritical of monarchic rule, as the police state she has created and allowed to continue appears dangerously restrictive, culturally stultified, and is founded on the enslavement and torture of a wondrous sentient being: a star whale.

As a nation the UK sustains ambivalent feelings towards the monarchy. We enjoy the spectacle (and the bank holidays) that they bring, and the queen remains a global icon, but we mutter darkly about our tax money being spent on them and wonder about the place of a monarch in a 21st Century democracy. As in our post-apocalypse fiction, royalty hold a tension between fascination and the desire to overthrow the ruling class. What better way, then, for a blog about the apocalypse to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, than with ‘God Save the Queen’, by The Sex Pistols?

It is rumoured that the song was written to coincide with the Silver Jubilee, although Paul Cook has denied this. It has been rereleased to coincide with the Diamond Jubilee. The anarchic lyrics equate monarchy with a ‘fascist regime’, describing a society with ‘no future’, where the population has become moronic from over-regulation, and where people are ‘Potential H-bomb[s]’ – fuelled by pent up anger and frustration, threatening to explode and either destroy us all or clear the way for some new anarchic future. In a genre that places the downfall of civilisation as we know it at the centre, apocalypse and political commentary go hand in hand of necessity, and what could better symbolise this than The Sex Pistol‘s vibrant and violent corruption of the national anthem?

God save the queen.

 – Apocalypse Womble out.

Know your Idols #28 Boudica / Boadicea

A historical figure once again for Idols today, you have probably heard of her, a strong British tribal leader who took on the Roman empire and, while she didn’t win, she gave them a hiding they weren’t going to forget.

What’s her deal?
Boudica’s husband was an Iceni ruler in cooperation with the Romans, until he died. Then the Roman’s saw fit to bit Boudica and rape her daughters. Rather than letting them break her Boudica fought back, gathered the British tribes and devastated the invading forces. Sadly our fierce Brit was eventually defeated, no one knows exactly where but one possible location is right in my home county Leicestershire. It was a massive defeat, the combined tribal forces were decimated and the Roman’s barely touched. This woman had sacked the Roman capitol in Britain  (now Colchester) making her a brutal legend, but now she had made a mistake and ridden everyone into an ambush. After that the Queen is largely speculated to have committed suicide, some versions simply have her falling ill and dying.

She says:
Clearly we don’t have any quotes from this warrior but this is said about her
“Boadicea was tall, terrible to look on and gifted with a powerful voice. A flood of bright red hair ran down to her knees; she wore a golden necklet made up of ornate pieces, a multi-coloured robe and over it a thick cloak held together by a brooch. She took up a long spear to cause dread in all who set eyes on her.”

Boudica wrote the book on revenge (figuratively, i know what you lot are like and no it’s not on amazon), but aside from that, here was a woman who faced with the patriarchal society of Rome and denied her inheritance not only took it back, but united the disparate tribes of the UK to follow her. She had a powerful will and was incredibly strong. She is an example to everyone that you cannot define people by their gender, or limit them because they are women. Trying to is dangerous, push women down hard enough and when they rise up you have legends like this women who sacked Colchester, London and St Albans and is believed to have left 70,000 dead in her wake, before her defeat in the Midlands.
Apocalypse Girls, take note and own your individual power.

Locked in a toolshed surrounded by the zombie horde

What would you do? What would Mr T do – or Ms T in this case?

Build a 60lb bow from plastic pipe and get up on the roof of course! Even for the most DIY-challenged among us, this looks pretty simple.

Lap it up, suckas!


Fed up with all those schools and hospitals costing you money?

Sick of spiraling prices making food and rent unaffordable?

Worried about immigration? Self protection? Foreign assaults on your home soil?


VOTE ZOMBIE and you open your mind to a new way of unliving. No more bills, no more shortages, no more fear!

VOTE ZOMBIE and secure your country against the opposition – by eating them!

VOTE ZOMBIE and you can tax the banks that are oppressing the masses – by making them just like you!

VOTE ZOMBIE and you won’t need to worry about unemployed youf rioting in the streets – you can just infect and kill them!

Yes, when YOUR ballot paper comes, you just put a tick in the ZOMBIE box and you’ll never want for anything again.


We promise there will be BRAINS FOR ALL!

Wonderful words by Danie Ware with thanks to @Mercy and @ShapeThrower

Apocalypse Water Safety

Don’t go in!

Make sure you know what’s under the surface

Learn to swim

Flotation devices

Rescuing others??
-Save yourself first

Get your monster supplies here!

Monster Supplies is a fabulous shop in London catering for your every monstrous desire. Buy guides for monstrous housekeeping, salt made from the tears of anger, fang floss and more. Run in conjunction with the Ministry of Stories which helps young people through writing, it’s certainly the place to get stocked for the apocalypse! Here’s their website.