battleaxebunny

Cocktail Cabinet of the Apocalypse #16: Angel’s Delight


Rumour has it that this one bears a disturbing resemblance to drinkable Angel Delight pudding – only boozier and creamier.

Ingredients (Serves 1)
1 Measure Hendrick’s Gin
1 Measure De Kuyper Triple Sec
1 Measure Double Cream
1 Measure Milk
0.5 Measure De Kuyper Grenadine

Method:
Shake all ingredients together well in a cocktail shaker.
Fine strain into a chilled martini glass and garnish with something that matches the very pinkness of it.

Battleaxebunny out.

(Original recipe from here)

The Ninja Turtle Threat

by battleaxebunny

The problem with Big Business accidentally losing track of all its toxic waste is that sooner or later it’s going to seep into places and mutate otherwise harmless animals into killer mutants set on taking over the world. Oh they’ll try and claim otherwise, but we know the truth. The Turtles are out to get us so it’s time to get prepared for the Turtle Apocalypse!

Natural Habitat
The enemy prefers sewers and is most known for lurking under New York. A cunning choice given that local legend suggests that it is in fact alligators who stalk the tunnels under the Big Apple. Local legend lies, or, at the very least, has been deliberately misinformed as the Turtles have killed any alligators or other vaguely predator (and, indeed, non-predator) life form to stray near their territory.

But don’t think avoiding New York will keep you safe. London has legends of feral pigs in the sewers, Paris has a crocodile, the ancient Romans had an octopus and you definitely want to be avoiding the sewers in Derry, Maine as the stories on that one are too many and varied for anyone’s sanity. Some may take this as proof that the sewers are mutating a variety of new and dangerous life forms but we know that it’s really just cover stories for a worldwide network of killer Turtles waiting for the right moment to attack.


Know Your Enemy
Despite professing to be ninjas, they are not the subtlest of creatures and can often be found brawling in the open, usually with their own pet reporter in attendance. They have been known to wield Katana, sai, nunchaku or a bō staff, which, combined with their tendency to show off means a quick draw with a gun is your best bet.

They’re not the brightest of creatures either and are highly susceptible to traps – we recommend pizza if you want to lure them out. Pizza is Turtle crack. If you’re all out of pizza then get your hands on a giant talking rat as they seem to have something of a fetish for this mutant species. Something to do with father issues from what we understand.

They are also highly effective in the use of propaganda and keep a pet reporter specifically for the task of spinning accounts of their mass-murdering exploits. They even have a recruitment song:

Ok, yes, they may have wiped out a few evil-ninjas, local criminals and alien invaders but that was just them taking out the competition as they don’t play well with others. Actually, most of the time they don’t even play well amongst themselves which gives you an extra tactical advantage if you can make your strike when they’re on one of their breaks. Go in quick, avoid any temptation to taunt them and take no prisoners.

And if you’re not scared yet, remember this: they’re also partially responsible for the Ninja Rap.

Truly they must be stopped…

Battleaxebunny out.

Cocktail Cabinet of the Apocalypse #15: Ninja Turtle


This one looks like it’s been poured from a barrel of toxic waste which is why it’s utterly perfect for the ninja turtles of the apocalypse… Probably goes well with pizza, too.

Ingredients (serves 1)
1 Measure Hendrick’s Gin
0.5 Measure De Kuyper Blue Curaçao
Top up with Orange Juice

Method:
Half fill a glass with cubed ice then build ingredients in order: De Kuyper Blue Curaçao, then Hendricks Gin and top up with orange juice.

Muddle ingredients together and garnish with a slice of (throwing) star fruit if desired.

Battleaxebunny out.

(Original recipe from here)

Cocktail Cabinet of the Apocalypse #13: Alien Sky

With 2012 about to roll in, we all know there’s an apocalypse of some kind on the way, right? So here’s the perfect drink to see out an alien invasion.

Ingredients (Serves 1)

1 Measure White Rum
1 Measure De Kuyper Cherry Brandy
0.75 Measure De Kuyper Blue Curaçao
4.5 Measures Pineapple Juice
3 Measures Orange Juice

Method:
Shake all ingredients together with ice except the De Kuyper Blue Curaçao.
Strain into a highball glass half filled with crushed ice.
Top with De Kuyper Blue Curaçao (do not stir before serving).

Garnish with something suitably alien shaped.

Battleaxebunny out.

(Original recipe from here)

Cocktail Cabinet of the Apocalypse #12: Mudslide

An easy one to make with the added benefit of having milk in it, thus giving you more calcium for your post-apocalyptic health needs!

Ingredients (Serves 1)

1 measure Vodka
1 measure Kahlua
2 measures Baileys original
1/4 pint milk, any type
6 ice cubes

Method:

Place all ingredients and ice in a cocktail shaker. Put on lid and shake vigorously for 20-30 seconds. Strain into a tall glass, preferably pre-chilled.

Presto!

battleaxebunny out

(Original recipe from here)

Cocktail Cabinet of the Apocalypse #11: Dark & Stormy


We’re not at all worried by the fact that all these cocktails seem to demand ice. Obviously getting enough power on to get a fridge-freezer active is going to be one of the priorities of your post-apocalyptic DIY. Unless you’re in the middle of an icy apocalypse then you can just stick the ice-cube tray out the front door…

Ingredients (Serves 1)

Ice
Juice of half a lime
2 measures Gosling’s Black Seal Rum
Ginger beer

Method:

Add ice to a tall glass. Squeeze limes over the ice, then pour in rum and ginger beer, and stir. Garnish with a slice of lime.

Easy squeezy!

battleaxebunny out

(Original recipe from here)

Post-Apocalyptic Archaeology #2 – Historical Accounts

by battleaxebunny

Whether you’re trying to set up a new library or museum, have a natural curiosity for the past, need to research your next archaeological expedition, are missing useful survival/rebuilding skills or just need some handy historical nuggets to aid in the trade of ancient treasures – recovering lost historical records is a must. Now, assuming that the internet has been totally wiped during the apocalypse (I know! Calamity!) , this means searching through likely places to collect any surviving documents.

Libraries
Your first choice for all things historical. If the building is relatively intact and there’s no impending doom then it’s best to leave all those books in-situ and gather together a willing crew to help fix it up and make it defendable so you can preserve all that lovely knowledge from future disaster. This will also give you an excellent place to bring books and other documents recovered from elsewhere and will make it easier for your fellow survivors to find what they need to educate themselves on the essential skills.

Also look to the ruins of universities and other educational institutions as they’ll have their own libraries you can raid. And by raid, we do, of course, mean take the books and documents to the main library so it can be built into the collection and properly catalogued and archived. Any duplicates of texts you find can either be put into store, or traded to neighbouring bibliophiles.

Also consider setting up a copying house so that the more fragile documents can have their contents duplicated before they crumble to dust. This also lets you pull a Library of Alexandria any time you’ve got travellers with interesting documents passing through your settlement – insist on getting copies of anything useful before they leave. Unless the power’s back on and you’ve got someone with a knack for kicking photocopiers into action, this will mean copying things out by hand or by arcane sorcerous means, but the time spent will not be wasted.

Museums
Like libraries, museums provide a handy source for historical information. (Also shiny treasures that your local evil overlord might be interested in, but that’s another post…) It’s likely that the apocalypse and later looting has caused significant damage to the public collection so what you’re going to want to do is find any basements or secure underground storage rooms that may have been overlooked. And don’t forget to investigate the gift shop. The replica artefacts may have been looted but there may still be guide books or artefact related history books. This will serve you almost as well as the real deal. Once you’ve secured all the good stuff, get it back to your shiny new library for the in-house librarian to attend to.

Art Galleries
Art can be a valuable information tool – it can tell you how people thought, what they did, or just what things tickled their artistic fancy. However, it’s not the most portable of things and is extremely vulnerable to damage. It will also have been high on the post-apoc looter’s grab list, so by the time you make your visit, it’s likely that all the good stuff will be gone. Again, don’t forget to check out the gift shop as a well stocked one should have plenty of art books with explanatory text which will give you the benefits of the missing art in something a little more portable and less appealing for bandits to steal.

Visitor Centres
Similarly, the visitor centres for sites of historic interest should prove to be quite useful for your research needs. Well, the visitor centres and gift shops. You can benefit from a long gone tourist board’s attempts to sell bumph to its visitors and it’s likely that the books and maps will have remained relatively untouched.

Shops
Book shops, antique shops and just about any shop in a popular tourist site is going to be host to all kinds of interesting things. Aside from the glorious treasure trove of history (and other) books, there’s old maps and replica maps, photos and replica artwork, old music sheets, antiquarian travel guides – pretty much all a girl needs to get a good grounding in the necessary information for a post-apoc expedition.

Home Invasion
People are hoarders, this we know to be true. So at some point you’ll want to poke around any empty houses that are left standing and see what goodies can be found. This can be done in combination with regular supply scavenge runs – multi-tasking is always a good thing! In addition to the spare copies of books and maps, private diaries and correspondence is worth looking at. You won’t want to miss the chance that your long dead house-owner knew something useful.

Bureaucratic Establishments
If it’s historic records you want, then hitting somewhere that had a high quantity of bureaucrats will be a goldmine. Whether it’s the local town council offices or a military base, somewhere there is going to be a room with boxes upon boxes of archived paperwork just begging to be nosed through. Historians will be overjoyed to find decades of memos and supply invoices and will happily spend months compiling it into patterns. For those of you with a need for something a little more tangible – find the right set of papers and you could have intel on some interesting new sites to explore. Sites that were hidden well enough that they survived the looting and assorted apocalyptic events and might just have a hidden cache of weapons or other useful bits that people forgot about when the apocalypse hit. Always make sure you check to see what security measures are in place so you know how to bypass it when you get there.

Research now will save you a lot of trouble later.

battleaxebunny out.

Library of the Apocalypse: Christmas with the Dead

As the nights draw in and the zombies stumble over your attempts at Christmas-ing up the front garden, what better thing is there than to pick a drink from the cocktail cabinet and settle down with some post apocalyptic reading.

Today’s recommendation is a short story by Joe R. Lansdale – Christmas with the Dead – which can be found in The Mammoth Book of Best New Horror #22 (ed. Stephen Jones).

So what’s it about?
Well, my darlings, it’s a beautiful tale of Christmas in the zombie apocalypse and one man’s quest to decorate his house and do a little Christmas shopping. There are clever tricks to avoid the shambling hoards mixed in with the sad story of the Christmas that zombiefied the local populace and a rather sweet ending that will tug your heartstrings. Oh, and Buffy gets a cameo. Of sorts.

Wonderfully written with some nifty dark humour this is an apocalyptic must-read.

Battleaxebunny out.

Cocktail Cabinet of the Apocalypse #10: Absolute Stress

Christmas during the apocalypse can be very stressful… but not so much after a glass of this! (And it’s got fruit in it! You remember what we said about fruit in drinks being healthy!) And we’ve noticed that increasing the measures of the alcohol portions significantly decreases the amount of stress felt…

Ingredients (Serves 1)

1 measure vodka
1 measure dark rum
1 measure peach schnapps
1 measure orange juice
1 measure cranberry juice

Method:

In a cocktail shaker, combine vodka, rum, peach liqueur, orange juice and cranberry juice. Shake well. Pour over ice in a tall glass and garnish with a slice of orange and a cherry. (See, fruit!)

Chin chin!
Battleaxebunny

(Original recipe from here)

Know your Idols #20 – Selena

by battleaxebunny

When the Rage virus swept the UK, there weren’t a lot or people who had the skills to stay alive and relatively sane but Selena managed it. She developed a keen survival sense that included becoming brutally efficient with a machete and setting explosive traps for swarms of infected.

What’s her deal?
Unlike your standard zombie apocalypse, the Rage virus hits fast, turning its victims rabid within about 20 seconds so survival means being able to react quickly. Luckily Selena is quite capable of this and will despatch the infected (or soon to be infected) without hesitation.

She started out a chemist, which would prove to come in useful when her backpack pharmacy was needed by her fellow survivors, and she has enough medical skills to patch up a shot wound when someone gets shot by a psychotic soldier.

And there are plenty of psychotic soldiers to deal with. When her small group of survivors responds to a sanctuary message they meet up with a group of squaddies with a very specific idea of what they want women for. Despite being outnumbered and outgunned, Selena holds her own, doing what she can to protect the teenage girl in her care until the odds even out.

And if that’s not bad enough, the soldiers have got a Rage infected soldier chained up in the back garden. Naturally, chaos and carnage ensues but Selena is one of the three left standing at the end of it and once she’s put her medical knowledge to good use (see above) the three survivors settle up north and prepare for rescue from the jets that have been patrolling the skies.

Research:
28 Days Later movie (2002)

She Says:
‘Let’s shop.’
‘Plans are pointless. Staying alive’s as good as it gets.’
‘If I never see another chocolate bar again, it’ll be too soon. Not counting Terry’s chocolate orange, of course. ‘

Whatever the situation, Selena adapts but if there’s the slightest chance you’re infected she’ll kill you immediately. She’s eminently practical, quietly determined, tough enough to see out a mass outbreak and not go completely insane, and as a bonus, she’s also got handy knowledge of drugs and basic medical skills. Definitely an asset in an apocalypse.

battleaxebunny out.

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