humor

Music for the Apocalypse #46: Insect Nation, by Bill Bailey

Comedy, the most essential of tools in your survival kit. If you can’t keep your morale up, you’ll be lost, so keep this song from master musician and comedian, Bill Bailey, to hand. Especially if you find yourself to be a human slave in an insect nation.

And remember: the spiders are not insects, but in the war they will side with the insects.

- Apocalypse Womble out.

Cockneys v Zombies

Oh, you knew it was just a matter of time! Looky there, Avenger and Bond Girl (and overdue for GGSA Idol status) Honor Blackman stars with stalwart Richard Briers and the legendary Alan Ford — and a bunch of young folks — in the latest zombie apocalypse with a twist and a few guffaws. You can bet the Apocalypse Gals will be there!

Cockneys v Zombies: the trailer (h/t to Lochee for the heads up!)

 

~Katemandi, Last Girl on Earth

Handbook for the Apocalypse: Riddley Walker

by Katemandi, Last Girl on Earth

Apocalyptic fans the world over mourned this week: Russell Hoban has left us to our fates on this earth. Wordy wordy wordsmith Will Self has called Hoban his hero and called Riddley Walker “perhaps the post-nuclear-apocalypse novel sans pareil” and it is an epithet well-earned.

Told in the fractured post-nuclear apocalyptic English of a twelve year old just reaching his rite of passage, the novel offers an indelible image of the blighted world to come and demonstrates the importance of keeping your Punch and Judy puppets close to hand.

In its pages you will find optimum tips for surviving the apocalyptic future, making coal, hunting wildlife with a spear, exploring the archeology of the past world and of course, the undying importance of storytelling as the way we make sense of even the most destructive world.

Trubba not and watch out for the arga warga.

Know Your Idols #18: Charly Baltimore

by Katemandi, Last Girl on Earth

You wake up in suburbia but something tells you it might not be where you belong. You can’t remember the rest of your life and you settle into being a teacher and a mom and bake for the PTA. Then one day you discover a brilliant skill with knives. You’re a chef!

Oh, wait — you’re not. You’re a killer.

Geena Davis’s turn as Charly Baltimore in The Long Kiss Goodnight offers an excellent role model for the post-apocalyptic woman (Davis herself is no slouch as a role model, too). See her trade witticisms with Samuel L. Jackson, survive torture and Craig Bierko. Charly kicks, shoots, knifes, skates, loves her husband and daughter and drinks vodka neat. Brava.

And the film is great fun, too. Consider it part of your holiday training.

Preparing Your Children

by Katemandi, Last Girl on Earth

If you rely on standardized exams to prepare your children for the apocalypse, you will find your tots will not cope well with the demands of the post-apocalyptic world. Here is a training film that will better prepare them for the realities. Get your conch out and sharpen that spear.

Velma Will Survive, Will You?


Better Dead Than Zed,

Green Valkyrie

Cocktail Cabinet of the Apocalypse #4: Irn-Brute

by Katemandi, Last Girl on Earth

When the apocalypse comes most soft drinks will be lost. Mere carbonated bevvies just can’t survive that kind of mayhem. Only IRN-BRU, the drink made from girders, will survive. You will be distilling alcohol in a Baroque system of tubes that used to supply your refrigerator with freon, so it will taste like mole vomit anyway. Irn-Bru will make it taste like a slightly more appetizing creature’s boak.

The recipe is simple:

  • Get Irn-Bru.
  • Fill a cracked pint glass halfway with your post-apocalyptic moonshine.
  • Add Irn-Bru to the glass until it reaches the pint line.
  • Agitate.
  • Swill.
  • Hope you don’t go blind.
  • Repeat as needed.

Movie Week – Shaun of the Dead

by Katemandi, Last Girl on Earth

When the zombie apocalypse comes, will you be caught with a Cornetto stuck in your mouth? 2004′s Shaun of the Dead offers a hard-hitting look at the average wage slave’s preparation for game-changing mayhem.

The picture was not pretty.

Nonetheless, the titular character managed to survive despite his lack of preparedness through the fortuitous discovery of some important survival rules. Viz.:

1) Choose your team with care — okay, sure it included a lot of dead weight (best friend Ed) and annoying negativity (whiny David) as well as the dangerously injured and vunberable (his mum),  but let’s face it: when it comes to survival, you need some ‘broken wings’ to draw the fire.

2) Blend in — nothing helps you slip past innumerable hordes of shambling undead like the ability to mimic their lifeless stumble. A numbing job in retail can be your best training ground to ape the listless movements and dead-like expression of the revenants, although there is much to be said for factory work as well.

3) Surround yourself with sports equipment — this is helpful especially if you don’t actually play sports of any kind. While it may be encouraged to participate in athletic games and maintain a healthy lifestyle, this type of preparation may also lead to unhealthy levels of confidence and risk. Those who know themselves to be less well prepared and woefully out of shape maintain a reasonable level of doubt as to risky undertakings, leaving the heroics to those wearing their team jackets.

4) Trust the pub — The others pooh-poohed him, viewers doubted but in the end, Shaun was right. The pub was the right choice. Know your pub. Study it well. Get to know the owners and their possible assets (e.g. Winchesters). Make sure there are few enough entrances to control entry, but make sure they also have enough food to tide you over until the first break in the hostilities. A grocer’s or corner shop next door is definitely a plus — so is another pub (or in my case three, plus five more around the square).

Just stay away from the fruit machine!

A Very Important Part of Your Apocalyptic Tool Kit


by Zhadi

Never leave your sense of humor behind…



You’ll need it.

Visitors since 03/11/11

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