Music for the Apocalypse #39 I hold your hand in mine Tom Lehrer

I had to follow up who’s next with this little love song for serial killer/zombie fancier types. It’s not really an end of the world track, but it has a suitably sinister note in spite of the chirpy piano playing.

On a personal note, I will always associate this song with Newcastle train station and my old uni flatmate Jolanda. Enjoy.

Sounds of Survival: Forbidden Feast at the Armageddon Cafe

Hello all!  “Sounds of Survival” will be an ongoing spotlight of apocalypse themed audio fiction.

Our first selection, “Forbidden Feast at the Armageddon Cafe“, is a part of the Pseudopod flash-fiction special “Flash on the Borderlands XI – Fearful Fashions.”  Written by John Nakamura Remy and narrated by Kane Lynch, the story presents a disturbing and dark look into post-apocalyptic dining.

As with all Pseudopod offerings, the story is not for the faint of heart, or weak of stomach

Keep Your Powder Dry,
Green Valkyrye

Math: It’s Not Just For Time Travelers

A lot of the kitch out there marketed at would-be time travelers works just as well as apocalypse survival gear. Knowing a few basic equations, or having a copy of “The Way Things Work” can make the difference between rebuild society and living in caves.
Here’s a clever example – a handy t-shirt you can wear with the basics of flight, health, technology and chemistry.

Available from ThinkGeek, fine purveyors of geekwear.

Keep Your Powder Dry,
Green Valkyrye

Locked in a toolshed surrounded by the zombie horde

What would you do? What would Mr T do – or Ms T in this case?

Build a 60lb bow from plastic pipe and get up on the roof of course! Even for the most DIY-challenged among us, this looks pretty simple.

Lap it up, suckas!

Apocalypse Water Safety

Don’t go in!

Make sure you know what’s under the surface

Learn to swim

Flotation devices

Rescuing others??
-Save yourself first

Apocalypse Olympics

by GClarkHellery

In case you missed it the other day, the apocalypse girls were having a little chat on Twitter about a possible Apocalypse Olympics which got me thinking: what sort of games would we have at the games? I’ve made a list of possible events but feel free to add more in the comments section below.

  1. Speed packing. How quickly can you pack your evac bag with all your survival items?;
  2. Running from zombies (in heels) one for a giggle;
  3. Werewolf wrestling;
  4. Know your idols speed naming competition;
  5. Shoot the clown;
  6. Bow and arrow assault course. First part would be traditional archery, followed by different challenges using different parts of your bow, perhaps chop the head off the zombie with the string etc;
  7. Pin the tail on the (undead) donkey;
  8. Long jump, over a pit of man eating slugs;
  9. Aliens attack, laser tag;
  10. Going back for the cat. How many animals can you herd into the correct pens.

Map of The Dead

Assuming we don’t lose internet connectivity when the apocalypse comes (and in the words of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, if that happens there’s no point continuing is there?!) there’s a useful tool called the Map of the Dead which allows you to see where there are supplies, medical aid, possible danger areas and more local to you. It’s an interesting site and excellent for all your pre-apocalypse planning. Check it out here.

Ask The Experts | Chris Farnell

Welcome back to Ask The Experts 
Chris Farnell lives in Leicester and has therefore likely survived a few zombie apocalypses already, we have a fair few of them. He’s also a writer and here is a link to his book

What’s your favorite apocalypse scenario and why?
Well the Romero zombie apocalypse is obviously the classic for people who’d  like to think they’d survive the end of the world, but don’t want to have to do much in the way of actual running.  But I’ve got a soft spot for the really weird apocalypses, so I’m going to go with China Miéville’s The Tain, where our reflections rebel against us.  It creeps me out  because our reflections really hate us, they loath being forced to take our shape and copy our every movement, and then, one day, they just snap. Of  course, not all mirrors reflect our entire bodies either, so you’ve got  tonnes of disembodies hands and arms and eyes flopping about that were  reflected in small mirrors…

Name one thing everyone should do to be prepared for the end of the world?
If you look at most apocalypse stories, zombies, meteorite displays blinding everyone on the planet, alien invasion, our reflections trying to kill us etc. the apocalypse is always the thing that nobody saw coming (When Night  of the Living Dead came out there was no such thing as a zombie survival  plan). So the whole point is that you *can’t* prepare for it, because nobody  could have possibly predicted. You know, apart from catastrophic global warming.

Where’s the line between being prepared and obsessing over uncontrollable future events?
Well, I live in Norwich, where we almost felt an Earthquake once, so aside from keeping fresh battries in your smoke alarm, there’s no much reason to  be big on disaster preparedness (unless it snows, of course, then it’s every  man for himself). So the line between preparedness and obsessive is probably  around the place where you start up a blog about all the various ways  everyone could die.
(I think he’s implying we are nuts – Ed)

What’s in your survival “bug out” bag?
Bear with me here, but- Quilted toilet paper. Lots of quilted toilet paper.  As society burns people are going to set about hoarding food, and water, and medical supplies, but if you turn up a couple of weeks later with a bag full of Andrex (hidden at an undisclosed location nearby) you can be pretty sure  they’ll let you live like a king.

What three things will you most miss about modern society?
Being able to make a living from just sitting down and writing things. Seriously, it’s going to come as a massive shock to go from “sort of vaguely respectable person who runs his own business and is mostly a functioning  part of society” to “the guy we should probably eat first”.

Which cultural institution would you die to defend?
Electricity, the internet, printed books, etc Well, top of the list I suppose would be libraries and the NHS, but since they’re under attack now and the most I’ve done is tweet angrily about it and write a letter to my MP, I think it’s pretty safe to say I won’t be laying down my life any time soon.

What’s the most important thing the survivors have to remember above day to day survival?
That if we allow our sci-fi bloggers to die, the zombies/robots/aliens/plague/terrorists/killer reflection people etc. have  already won.

When do you open the door, i.e. how do you pick and choose between refugees, or do you leave them to their fate?
I’m pretty sure I’d be a total wuss about this. I’d let anyone in. Check them for weird infected bite marks and make sure the dogs don’t bark at them  for being a Terminator, but apart from that, the more the merrier! Hopefull my generosity will be remembered when the food runs out and they’re deciding who to eat.

How do you make sure you aren’t caught short when the day comes, i.e. avoiding “I left my apocalypse kit in another car”?
Whenever you’re in a public place always pay attention to where the fire exits are, which objects can be used as bludgeoning weapons and which other people you could realistically climb over to escape. For what person or thing would you break all the rules and go back anyway? Again, I’d be a total wuss for this. Friends, family, my Kindle, the hard drive with my writing on it, my secret stash of quilted toilet roll… Really, my survival chances are pretty narrow.

He lives! Zombie Hamster Rises From The Dead

by GClarkHellery

A friend (or should that be fiend?) shared an article with my about a pet hamster who was presumed dead, was buried with full honours but who then rose from the grave and demanded its dinner! Check it out here. Does anyone else have any zombie pet stories?

Apocalypse Warning!

The Apocalypse has begun and we never saw this coming!
Reports are coming in from survivors in Scotland that the Wild Haggis, tired of years of being hunted as a Burns night delicacy has turned the tables and is now hunting down the inhabitants of Scotland and gorging on human intestines.
Isolated attacks started in the Highlands a week ago and have since spread across the country with these creatures moving on mass into built up areas.
The Haggis is a small creature, which due to it’s preferred hillside territory evolved legs shorter on one side than the other. They were previously considered not to be dangerous. Their restricted movement made them easy prey however appears they are overcoming issues of direction and balance by crab stepping across the country.
Reports are showing injuries to the lower legs and throat as well as the victims stomachs being opened and intestines either devoured or pulled out of the body. We assume from this that the small creatures are felling people by attacking the legs first, killing them by ripping the throat and then taking their time with a pointed comment on their own fate at our hands.
So far they have been unable to cross the border but it seems inevitable that at some point they will figure out that Hadrian’s wall is no longer the barrier it once was and England will fall.
We have no reports of anyone having survived a direct attack or escaping after visual contact with a Haggis, the information we have comes from small groups of survivors who have found the remains from earlier massacres.
No one has made it out of Scotland since this began but the GGSA has received emails and photos. The Haggis’ have organised, setting traps and ambushes, attacking cars full of fleeing families and rampaging through busy tourist attractions using panic and terror to confuse their victims.
Troops are being prepared and will be sent to defend the border but you should prepare yourselves for attack. The Haggis is small, resourceful and utterly utterly deadly. Scotland has been given up as lost, any survivors need to get to the army camps at the border before cleansing begins.
We will keep the site live as long as possible and post information on gathering points as well as updates as they come in. If you have information or have anything that will work against this unforeseen and terrifying threat please contact us and gods help us all.

Visitors since 03/11/11


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