Library of the Apocalypse: Christmas with the Dead

As the nights draw in and the zombies stumble over your attempts at Christmas-ing up the front garden, what better thing is there than to pick a drink from the cocktail cabinet and settle down with some post apocalyptic reading.

Today’s recommendation is a short story by Joe R. Lansdale – Christmas with the Dead – which can be found in The Mammoth Book of Best New Horror #22 (ed. Stephen Jones).

So what’s it about?
Well, my darlings, it’s a beautiful tale of Christmas in the zombie apocalypse and one man’s quest to decorate his house and do a little Christmas shopping. There are clever tricks to avoid the shambling hoards mixed in with the sad story of the Christmas that zombiefied the local populace and a rather sweet ending that will tug your heartstrings. Oh, and Buffy gets a cameo. Of sorts.

Wonderfully written with some nifty dark humour this is an apocalyptic must-read.

Battleaxebunny out.

Zombie Advice from the Experts

In a twist on ‘Ask the Experts’ I thought i’d include this part dramatic and part instructional video with advice on the zompoc from Dave Moody, Wayne Simmons and Jasper Bark. Also featuring as heroine, my own Girl Friday Kat Heubeck.


Christmas Music for the Apocalypse #9: Old Men’s Brains (A Zombie Christmas), by Julie Webster

You find some weird things, looking for apocalypse Christmas music on YouTube, but this one is awesome. And a lady artist at last!

This was a colaboration of http://toofar.tv/ with XM Radio Canada. You can download the mp3 for free here: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_6204210 .

 – Apocalypse Womble out.

A Very Zombie Holiday (Instructional Video)

by Ro Smith

Here at The Girls’ Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse we’re aware that we’re not the only ones preparing for the end of civilisation, and we believe in sharing the knowledge. Check out this helpful video on surviving the Zompocalypse from Team Unicorn:

Team Unicorn are girls after our own hearts. Their name derives from the thought that ‘like unicorns, geek girls aren’t supposed to exist’. They create geek-themed videos on YouTube, and you can find them here.

 – Apocalypse Womble out.

Tis the Season

by honeybadger

Since it’s nearly Christmas, i’ve picked out some odd little apocalypse items for your loved ones.

You can thank me later.

how cute are these? Seriously, zombie pet shop, awesomeness.

on Amazon

‘Dismember me Doll’  so your kids can get training nice and early.

also available via evil corp

And for a little light reading there is ‘The Stupidest Angel’ by Christopher Moore. Zombie apocalypse at Christmas, as it should

HoneyBadger out

Zombie Clearing


Zombies in the streets are just so messy. If it’s not chunky pieces of rotting flesh waiting to ensnare your best heels, it’s groaning hoards trying to eat you and there’s only so long you can ignore it all before something must be done.

Taking care of the moving zombies should be your first priority as these are the ones that will be the most pesky. You really don’t want to have to fight past them in the January sales so instead of barricading yourself in a building and hoping they’ll expire on their own, consider taking the initiative and clean up your town’s streets.

We suggest doing this in two stages:

Stage One – The Free-Range

Zombie traffic is the worst thing about your zompoc. There’s so many of the buggers that shooting them individually is both time consuming and a serious drain on resources; so what you need to do is find a mass kill solution that will wipe out the lot with minimal risk to the non-zom parts of the population.

Now, no matter what species of zombie you’ve been plagued with, one common characteristic they all share is the ability to sniff out uninfected human flesh. With proper preparation, you can use this against them with a zombie trap. A really big one. Preferably on the edge of town where it won’t ruin your primary living environment.

You’re going to need two parts to your trap. The funnel, where you drive the random wandering zombies into one hoard with nowhere to go but towards their doom; and the end zone, where you despatch them.

For the funnel, pick a straight main road so the zombies can feed through to it from the side roads. Consider barricading any nearby parallel roads or putting blocks up at junctions so there’s nowhere for them to go but your route. You could also have one of the more athletic of your survivor crew ready to play bait to any wanderers that have gotten lost and herd them to the main group.

Then comes the end-zone. This is the tricky bit. If you’re mechanically minded you could set up a length of razor wire on a cunning device that will slide across and behead the stumbling hoards. This will work great unless they’re really short and you’ll still have to clear the bodies away at some point so our preferred option for the end trap is fire.

Fire is, and always will be, the most effective final solution but you want to be careful when and where you start burning so if there’s not a handy pit on the edge of your town then either find a place you can block off to built a zombie cremation area or hotwire some abandoned construction equipment and dig. A pit gives you the benefit of a steep edge the zombies can’t climb out of quickly once they’ve dropped in and can be covered up easily once you’re left with a pile of zom-infected ash.

Whatever you use, make sure you have exits for your daring human bait to use as you don’t want them shut in with the hoards. Have rope ladders ready as back up options, or borrow a crane so you can drop a suitable chain into the trap to haul out your friends.

Once the zombies are safely contained, then you set them on fire. You’ll need plenty of accelerant to get the optimum temperature quickly – consider showering the zombies with something flammable as they feed through into the trap, that way you only have to ignite and wait.

Repeat until you’re as sure as you can be that all the streets are clear.

Stage Two – The House-Bound

There will be zombies trapped in rooms all over your town. Taking care of these can be done by searching house to house and killing them on a room by room basis, or you can adapt Stage One by opening the doors and drawing them into the streets. For your best chance of success, be orderly and target one area at time, that way you can set up street blocks to drive your zombies to the main funnel and then despatch them using your preferred method.

Then once you’ve taken care of all of the moving zombies, you can start getting rid of the chunky corpses. We suggest loading them up in trucks or wagons and taking them to a burn pit on the edge of town. Wear suitable protective clothing as you don’t want to get infected by zombie remains and always make sure you have some sharp-shooters on guard in case you missed one of the wandering dead.

Then with your town nice and clean you can get started on long-term rebuilding – but keep an eye on your borders and be ready to deal with zombie tourists…


Zombie Attack Shoe Tips

Yes, remember ladies… the zombie apocalypse could strike at any time.

Make sure your undead escape shoes are always to hand and don’t let those nasty zombies ruin your heels.

The Human Resistance t-shirt

Spotted on redbubble.com

Identify yourself to your fellow resistance fighters at a glance while – dare we say it? – looking stylish in the process with a design-led graphic tee.
—Daystar out—

Plants vs Zombies: Training for the Apocalypse

by GClarkHellery

Ok, I’ll admit it, I’m a total ‘Plants vs Zombies’ addict. I love my little peashooters and wallnuts as well as the array of different zombies who constantly attack my home in search of brains. Brilliant in its simplicity, players need to be strategic in their placement of the different plants and choose wisely. For example, you wouldn’t choose night plants while fighting on the roof. But what else can we learn from Plants vs Zombies to help ensure we are apocalypse prepared?

  • Diversify your weaponry. No one plant can defeat the zombies on it’s own and combination weapons make for more deadly mow-down, so you can freeze the zombie hoards with an Ice-shroom while cutting them down to size with a Threepeater. The same applies during the apocalypse: diversify your weaponry so that if you run out of bullets, you can keep shooting using a crossbow or get in close with a sword.
  • Know and protect your power source. The Sunflowers and Sun-shrooms give you points to buy plants and need to be protected. During the apocalypse your power source is your life source, without it you’re dead so make sure it’s safe at all times.
  • Set traps which provide a warning and slow down the attacking werewolves while you’re doing other things, such as the Potato Mine or Spikeweeds. Minutes matter and those extra few moments when the killer robots are trying to untangle themselves from your net trap might be enough for you to escape.
  • Always have a backup plan. If the zombies eat all your plants, your last line of defence is a row of lawn mowers which slices them down. However, as with all last-ditch defence plans, it can only be used once and when it’s gone it’s gone so if your final defence is activated, either refortify quickly or escape.
  • Know pros and cons of each weapon. Chompers are great at eating zombies whole but take time to digest their meal which leaves them vulnerable, while Scardy-shrooms cause a lot of damage, but go into hiding when an enemy is near. No weapon is perfect and all have their limitations. Knowing these and using these to your advantage ensures you are using your available weapons to the peak of their performance, which will increase your chances of survival.
  • Know your enemy and attack accordingly. As with most games, Plants vs Zombies begins easily, but becomes progressively more difficult with more challenging attackers. Bucket-head zombies have added protection which makes them harder to kill while dancing zombies always travel with back-up dancers. In order to kill them, you need different plants. In the same way you wouldn’t kill a robot using a silver bullet as you would a werewolf, know your enemy and use appropriate methods for attacking them.
  • Takes time to re-energise. In Plants vs Zombies, once you’ve planted, that plant will need a certain amount of time to ‘recharge’ before it can be planted again. Even during the apocalypse a girl needs a little time to recharge herself so she’s feeling ready to take on the world so take some time out and give yourself that mani-pedi you’ve been promising yourself.
  • Marigolds are planted which can earn you money as they pop out coins during the game and during the apocalypse you can always make a bit of extra money or whatever passes for currency at that time.
  • Make sure you have a great theme tune. Once you’ve completed the game, the plants and zombies come together to get down to some funky tunes and really isn’t that what every girl needs after a long day of slaughtering rabid cows?

So there you have it. I’m sure that there are other games out there that will teach you other survival tips but for me, I love my plants. Now, where did I put my Grave Buster?

Without sounding like a panic monger…

Howdy folks,

Foxglove here.

After a lucky escape over the weekend I feel the need to share…
I’m pretty certain I have a handle on where the zombie plague is going to come from and may have unwittingly exposed myself on Sunday morning.
The plague is coming from China.
Yes, that’s right.
The same country that bought you hair ties made from old condoms, soft toys stuffed with bandages and melamine in baby formula – now they give us zombie plague spread by mold spores on birthday candles.
What have I learned from opening the sealed package containing the candles and hairy assed mold?
Let’s add protective suits, heavy duty latex gloves, and masks to our survival kits and before opening anything that looks at all suspect (or like it was made and packaged in China) gear up!
Anthrax is no longer our primary threat via packages and mail!
Zombie Apocalypse – made in China.
Threats are all around us.
Be aware!