Dating in an Apocalypse #2 The Rise of the Machines

by Honeybadger

When tackling dating in a skynet situation there are several added dangers, not least of which is infiltration begins long before the actual apocalypse. The Sarah Connor Chronicles clearly catalogues the danger to smart women in potentially useful positions. The terminators look human, they can act human, they can make you fall in love with them. How do you know the man you are dating is actually a man and not a machine?
Well there are a few simple rules that can help.

Don’t be too clever with technology. Seriously, by instantly losing the ability to work the remote control the minute a man walks in the room you may be able to throw the terminator off the scent. For all we know they don’t actually have your picture on file. This girl can’t work a remote she can’t possibly be the one we are looking for, move on. It’s a long shot, but it’s a simple enough precaution to take, you can drop it after a year or two and there is some fun to be had from the exasperated expressions you are on the receiving end of in the mean time. So Rule #1 – Be a technotard

Next up is your job, what are the chances that the job you do will link to political decisions, technology being contracted, military use at some point in the future? I should really switch back to constructing cycle ways because all this work with real time information is dangerous ground, it has a strategic use for the would be AI overlord. So Rule #2 ‘fuck this and be a stripper’

There is of course a way to be absolutely sure be it’s high risk. Shoot or stab your would be beau. The risks are obvious, if he’s not a terminator you go to prison, if he is, he’s likely to kill you for it and either way you are going to be single again. If you are a skilled sharp shooter you could try a shot in the shoulder from thick scrub and a long distance but it’s a lot of effort and most of us aren’t sharp shooters. Rule #3 Stab your man.

These same issues apply post apocalypse as the AI may try to infiltrate the survivors to root them out. At that point since prison is less of a concern and you have back up, stabbing is a much more viable option and the previous two are sadly irrelevant.

Post apocalypse you do face the same issues of ulterior motives and bacteria that you face during a zompoc so refer to #1 in this series for some considerations regarding dealing with definitely live human men.

Honeybadger out.

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