Dating in an Apocalypse #3

by Honeybadger

In most Dragon mythology they are fixed form, so unless this is an Urban Fantasy apocalypse with strains of Yasmin Galenorn then chances are you don’t have to worry about your lover turning out to be a dragon. Of course if that’s your preference then fine, go for it, I don’t much fancy your chances of a happy every after, or even a happy ending massage but if fire and scales and probably getting eaten do it for you then far be it from me to belittle your choices.

That aside, what are common man issues in a Dragon apocalypse.

Well, in any apocalypse there is a good chance of not surviving all that long, but dragons’ make it particularly difficult to grow crops and rear livestock. The strong young men are likely to be out fighting dragons and so your selection is either, the occasional quick fling with a dragon hunter or you are stuck with the very old or the very young.

Dragon hunters it is then.

So first consideration, the life expectancy is short so don’t be looking for anything more than a bit of instant gratification. That has it’s place so absolutely go for it, but don’t be surprised if they are gone in the morning and a crispy treat three days later. Rule 1 # lower your expectations

Quite often killing a dragon will bestow powers on the hunter, so the ones that live longer tend to be wiley, often mages in the long run and that has been known to short fuse the brain. They often start to think they can be King of the Dragons and control them with the power of their mind or they start seeking world domination or both. Dragon hunters that live more than a few years into the job are usually batshit nuts and that nice guy with the great biceps you started dating, gets thinner and paler and spends far too much time muttering to himself and reading old scrolls. Rule #2 beware maniacal laughter.

We tend to assume it’s men who will be out killing dragons, but if the dragon requires a sacrifice to keep it from destroying your village, you might be surprised how many girls will cut their hair, strap their boobs down and learn to arm wrestle. Seriously, sacrificed to a dragon or pretend to be a boy? It’s a no brainer isn’t it! If they have survived this long without being found out they are good at it too. So, you need to know if the guy you are setting your sights on is a guy. It can be difficult to talk someone pretending to be a guy into taking a dip or otherwise getting naked in a group and that reluctance can be an indicator, but it’s not definite. Socks down the trousers can hide the inadequacy in clothes and unlike a terminator stabbing them won’t reveal much except that they bleed. Which leaves you with kicking them in the nuts, the pain of which is fakeable if you’ve seen it happen often enough or drug their mead and take a good look around when they are sleeping. Rule #3 drug your date.

Honeybadger out.

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