Dating in an Apocalypse #4 Supernatural Factions

by Honeybadger

It’s been hell, years of supernatural factions fighting and we were caught in the middle and now humans are the minority species. I blame the tomatoes myself (Kim Harrison, The Hallows). So here you are, one of the few remaining pure blood humans, the vamps think you are a walking talking drink, the fae see you as some kind of amusing toy, pretty much everyone is stronger, better, faster and meaner than you are. It’s tough surviving, but dating? Well what is a girl to do?

In this situation it’s more a consideration of what species to get your puny human self involved with so i’m going to break down a few of the main ones for you. 

Whether they are insipid sparkly eternal teens, slayer obsessed moody and melodramatic, 80’s punks in leather jackets, genuinely terrifying and fearsome, or actually your best mate who will always help you move as long as it’s at night, there are some things that are generic.
Vampires want to drink your blood. Even if they are sworn off it they still want it, they can’t help it, that’s who they are. Some of them may use you as a walking thermos, keeping you in thrall, others might share you around at parties, often they have no choice but to share you with their boss if he or she fancies a drop. They won’t always tell you going into it either, but there is usually a very clear hierarchy and it’s difficult to protect a human pet.
You may also wish to consider, most sleep all day and are up all night, some will want to turn you so you can be together forever (seriously, think about it, forever is a long time when you only live to 73, what about 703?), otherwise they stay young and pretty while you grow old and die. Their hands are always cold, which may or may not be your thing and in theory, there can never be children, or sunshine holidays in the Maldeves. 

The upsides, are they are strong, fast and sometimes they can do cool shit like fly. Also, if you happen to be psychic, you can’t hear their thoughts, so yay for quiet time.

The Fae come in lots of form, some shape shift others don’t, they can have peculiar powers or massive strength, they could be half tree. They are a fractious lot often indulging in century long spats and endless in fighting. Thing is, they have no regard for any life, yet alone human, so think carefully before dating a fae.
The Fae tend to think of us a bit like, well you know your favourite barbie/bratz/action man/my little pony? Yeah like that only more fun because we are interactive.
You have to think of them as uber powerful sociopaths to stand a chance of knowing how to deal with them. I know it sounds harsh, but even the nice ones struggle with empathy and human values. Thing is, they well expect you to adapt to them, not the other way round. Also, they struggle with pregnancies, so they may only want you for your fertile womb and will be appalled when you try to explain what the pill is and why you don’t want to spend your life as a baby factory. They are often beautiful though, worth noting so of course if you are a borderline sociopath with a massive desire to reproduce then these may be just the faction for you, and they do get some flash cribs and the whole messing with time thing when you go Underhill.

Demons/Angels etc
Ok we will focus on demons here but don’t be fooled, the other side are just as bad. Different team, same game.
Anyway, it’s not unknown for demons to fall in love with humans, and it can seem very romantic. After all they  are risking everything to be with you and when you have lived in hell that’s not just the cozy house and the dog you know?
So great, you fall in love, he gives hell the slip, maybe even gives up his powers. Then what? Can you really trust someone whose purpose was the downfall and torture of your kind? Can he live with the millions of horrific things he’s done to people just like you? What practical job skills does he actually have? Has he even really left or are they just giving him a career break to see how it all develops?
How long before he goes back to his old ways? If he comes in late and throws his clothes straight in the wash will you worry most about whether he’s having an affair or whether he’s been out killing people?
Really you need to think about these things.So just to reiterate… He’s a demon, what the hell are you thinking?
On the plus side, they do get some really cool powers to play with.


Like vampires werewolves come in different varieties, some of them are terrifying drooling, rip you apart and devour your innards types, others are big strong hunky men who go furry from time to time. We had a defence of werewolves posted yesterday and I for one would go this route in dating a supernatural. Not restricted to night time like vamps, not so inclined to treat us as a  queer pet as the fae and far less likely to end up messing with your soul than demons.
I think I can handle occasional furriness and cleaning rabbit blood out of the carpet from time to time. There are potential issues, if you get a traditional were rather than the urban fantasy sort you need a very strong dungeon and either way you are gong to be the butcher’s best client, but over all dating after a supernatural uprising I think weres are the best bet.

Honeybadger out

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