Getting Around #4 – By Space

by battleaxebunny

Just because your planet has been destroyed by an alien invasion, killer robots, cthulu, mad fairies or an epic sized environmental catastrophe, doesn’t mean you’re homeless. Oh no. Because now it’s time to take advantage of the final frontier!

Your space travel needs can be met by a variety of methods – from small and nippy shuttles to the larger people carriers and those handy alien artefacts that can hand-wavy teleport you large distances. And good news, warrior women of the post-apocalypse: girls are better drivers. Er, pilots. This is a true fact, and will also save you hundreds on your insurance premiums. It’s all win!

Small ships – fighters and shuttles: Not so good on the fuel consumption but useful for short range travel between planets, space stations, larger ships and/or wormholes. They’re bloody excellent for picking off enemy forces though, so make sure you put time into learning evasive manoeuvres and the vulnerable points of all other ships out there – you never know when you’re going to want to take down another ship or station with one shot.

As an extra bonus, docked shuttles can also be used for living accommodation or portable offices for enterprising passengers which lets you squeeze more into your main ship.

Medium ships – salvage ships, other working ships: Best with a small trustworthy crew as you’ll be living in close quarters while you work your way across the ‘verse. Always keep spare parts for your essential engine bits in store otherwise you’ll be a wee bit embarrassed when things start dropping off and you’re left drifting.

Vet any new passengers or crew as you never know when someone is going to be an undercover-something or wanted for heinous crimes. If you don’t mind harbouring wanted felons, then at the very least, do research on the people who want them and why, and put in some back up plans for when bounty hunters and the like catch up with you. Also, consider paying a hacker to fiddle with the warrant database and change your felons’ original ID details as this will shake off all but the very dedicated hunters; leaving you and your crew to get on with your daily business in relative peace.

Large ships – cruisers, shiftships, prison ships & similar: Like their water equivalents, these give you the benefit of being able to settle large groups of survivors in an environment ready built to provide all the facilities. Make sure you have a ration policy in place for when supplies get low as it can be a long way between suitable shopping opportunities. And be aware that the bigger the ship, the more dark places there are for people and flesh-eating alien parasites to hide – so set up some sensible search polices, make sure there’s suitable equipment available (lots of weapons and lights) and make sure your security crew are aware of all the possible risks.

Tardis: The Ferrari of space transport. It’ll take you to any time or place that ever was, is, or will be; as well as quite a few that shouldn’t be existing in the first place. Big enough to fit all your friends in comfortably, can be refuelled for free if you know where to find a handy interdimensional rift and will translate every local language for you which will save you a fortune in phrasebooks.

Try not to drive with the brakes left on because as appealing as the funny noise is, it’s going to bugger up your inner workings something awful. And make sure you have your security measures in place because everyone is going to want to steal it for a joyride. Especially sentient asteroids and madmen babbling about drums.

Alien Gates: Usually left abandoned by the original builders and reclaimed by your local super-secret military organisation so you’re going to have to be in the know to use one of these. They provide the benefits of instantaneous interstellar travel but tend to suck up serious amounts of power.

Although limited to how many people can go through at a time, they are very useful for an emergency exit – handy if recent tourists have managed to piss off your local alien overlord/pseudo-god to the extent where punishment is of the earth-scorching variety; or if you find yourself the target of a hoard of vampiric aliens or army of replicating nano-robot things.

If your gate takes you to an abandoned planet consider the fact that perhaps the locals had a reason for leaving and be very careful with your explorations. And definitely don’t try and reconstruct elements of their DNA from any corpses you might find.

Space Stations: Like cruise ships and similar, they have the benefits of being able to house large quantities of people, however due to their lack of forward mobility these are more suited for the stay-at-home survivor who really can not be doing with all that discovering new aliens every week thing.

Although having said that…your stationary position may make you an attractive prospect for alien travellers so you may find yourself having to set up as a trading station – at least it’ll be your home ground so you can set the rules.

If you’re orbiting a planet with its own pet wormhole, watch out for people with god complexes as the ensuing cults will be a bit of a bother. And try not to let your design blueprints fall into the hands of the rebel forces or you’ll only have yourself to blame when things get a bit kerblooey.

Space Whales: Only for the brave as the Space Whale Protection Society is likely to complain if they think you’re doing it wrong. Which you inevitably will be. However, if you can get past that, these immense beasts will let you carry a whole country’s worth of survivors on their back and will provide a stable living environment for a considerably long time. And they make fabulous babysitters for the kids.


Surf-boards: For the lone traveller. Will mean being covered in weird silver goo and probably being mind controlled by an alien thing that eats planets. On the plus side, there’s bonus added cosmic powers. We’re not exactly sure what the cosmic powers thing entails, but it sounds kinda cool.

battleaxebunny out.

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