The Internet is a burst with Sandy. Hurricane Sandy, that is. There are posts about fictional Weather-pocalypses, and everyone seems to want to give you a playlist for the Franken Storm, even The Guardian. Tuesdays is usually the day when I try to get a Music for the Apocalypse up for you guys, but this Tuesday… I feel like everyone else has done it for me. There was also an element of questioning the clammering to use an international disaster to drive hits to your blog. It’s… a sensitive area. However, one of the amazing things about Sandy has been the buoyant spirit of those in the path of the storm, sticking two fingers to the ‘cane and battening down the hatches. So, instead, I’ve decided to look at some of the wonderful things other people have done to bring hope and joy and laughter to each other.
Some people met the hurricane in swimming trunks and a horse’s head.
Jimmy Kruyne has taken credit for this little piece of joy, having tweeted ‘The news crew is down the block, Im thinking horse mask and swimming trunks?‘
Props should also be given to David Tra for one-upman ship:
The caption on YouTube pleasingly reads ‘On a scale of one to horsehead jogger…’, and whilst I think videoing yourself is not quite the same as high-jacking national news coverage, you have to admire a man who, according to Metro, said: ‘I see your shirtless, horse-head jogger and raise you a shirtless, unicorn-head roller-blader.’
Some people took slightly mean pleasure in tricking Twitter users into retweeting pictures of other storms. istwitterwrong has made an excellent post debunking these. Whilst others responded by satirising this practice and tweeting links to pictures like these:
Naturally, spoof twitter accounts popped up for the hurricane itself:
And amidst all this good humour, good people were also on the ground, helping each other out. Witness this haunting image of ambulances moving patients from one hospital where the power had gone out to another:
Meanwhile, 190 firefighters battled through the night to tackle a catastrophic fire that had broken out in Queens, and Emily Rahimi, a seven year veteran of the Fire Department of New York sat by a Twitter feed through the night providing vital support to people who couldn’t get through the over-taxed 911 calls. Truly a woman you’d want with you, come the apocalypse.
If this were in Britain, we’d call it ‘Dunkirk Spirit’, but really it’s just the simplicity and goodness of people pulling together in a crisis, to stand by one another and keep their spirits up. Not just the heroes, although we should never undermine the work they do, but the jokers who bring us around to the funny side of our situation – who play us a song, or make a silly image, or run around in the rain with a horse mask on their head.
To all of the people keeping it together in the face of Sandy, we at the Girls’ Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse salute you.
OK, I don’t think this song is set to be an apocalypse classic, but you have to give her props for exploiting the 2012-Mayan-calendar-end-of-the-world theme. I’m surprised more pop-stars haven’t gone for it, to be honest.
The first half of this song is fairly standard mindless noise that doesn’t really seem to have anything to do with the apocalypse, but keep with it, around 2:35 it kicks off into something a bit different and more interesting:
See the sunlight, we ain’t stoppin’
Keep on dancing till the world ends
If you feel it, let it happen
Keep on dancing till the world ends
It’s still a pretty simple lyric, but the timbre shifts from the standard dance beat to a softer, more open sound as the melody rises to echo the rising of the sun in the lyric and I have to admit, I get a tingle. It is evocative of a survivor emerging from their hidey hole after some tumultuous disaster has swept over them, to see the still destruction in the dawn light. It’s not Mozart, but it earns it a place in our post-apocalypse playlist.
Credit is also due to director Ray Kay for creating a music video that is rather more spectacular than the song. This is a pretty stunning depiction of the apocalypse. I’m not quite sure what sort of apocalypse it is, but I’m also not quite sure that I care. It’s very pretty. Equally, the frenetic choreography of the dancers (who are maybe engaged in some kind of sex-death ritual, maybe zombies (probably sex-zombies, if there is such a thing), or just the world’s most committed ravers) evocatively capture what all songs of this type are getting at: i.e. whether you’re dancing like it’s 1999 or like it’s the end of the world the music is taking you to a frenzied beat that shakes passion off it like sweat. It’s the ‘quick! The four minute warning! Find someone to screw!’ impulse mixed with dancing like your life depends on it. Both themes are exciting and evocative of the sex-death link that has fascinated theorists like Freud.
It’s a simple idea with no real distracting depth, but it’s nicely realised. It’s a 2012 themed song – I felt it did have to make the list before the year was out.
As a girl equipped to survive the apocalypse, I’m not generally inclined to wait around for a man to save me – chances are I’ll still be sitting there when the zombies eat me. Or the man will have been manfully hiding a bite and will turn into a zombie and eat me. But it’s hard not to hear this song and feel cheered. I feel it has a place in a post apocalypse world.
Also? The women in Flash Gordon are awesome. Especially General Kala. I mean, if the Apocalypse is coming, why not be in charge of its armies?
And as villains go, this is some kind of formiddable woman:
What do you mean, ‘Flash Gordon approaching’?!
Open fire! ALL weapons.
No half-measures with this lady. I challenge anyone to deny that this is a woman who commands respect with her every gesture, look, and tone.
General Kala: Apocalypse Girl extraordinaire.
And let’s not forget Dale Arden. Not without fight in her, and even as she calls out: ‘Flash! Flash! I love you’ She adds as though to call him back to the matter at hand: ‘But we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!’
Yeah, I think, come the apocalypse, this’ll be one I’m glad to have in my record collection.
Any apocalypse girl would be wise to keep a cat with her once the world ends, for comfort, companionship, and to kill the mice and rats that will be attracted to your food store. But before the end you’d be wise to keep an eye out for these kitties. These are no ordinary domesticated cats, and they will drag your world to Hell.
Ah, the apocalypse, so exciting, so challenging, so very very messy when it comes to your carefully chosen outfits. All that blood and guts and gunpowder residue and not a dry-cleaners in sight.
But don’t let that stop you dressing to kill, not when there’s these babies to wear!
Conveniently pre-blood-splattered, and with a heel that can poke someone’s eye out, these shoes are perfect for the post-apoc night out.
Here’s the situation: The end is nigh, and you’ve been fortunate enough to be given space in a shelter. You’ve gone into the underground fortress, the doors have been bolted, and the whole thing has been sealed. Outside, storms rain fire upon the land and the seas are boiling, but inside the shelter, you and 899 strangers are able to wait out the blasts, snug as bugs in rugs.
Wait a second. Eight hundred and ninety-nine strangers? Living in 135,000 square feet? Jebus, that’s only 150 square feet for each of us… you can’t even take a city bus without getting frustrated at the smelly old man sitting too close to you, and the woman with the screeching baby, and the drunk teenager vomiting in the back seat. Crap! How long are you stuck in here?!?!
FIVE FREAKING YEARS?!?!
Okay, so a few ground rules will have to be established. Plus, it’ll be hard to repopulate the planet if, upon release, you can’t get away from everyone fast enough and no one want to speak to each other again. So, here are a few:
Suggestions for Surviving the Shelter Experience
- Farting in closed spaces is now normal, considering everywhere you go is a closed space. Get used to the smell, especially after bean night.
- The ugly carpet is only going to look uglier as time passes, but once you go insane, you won’t care about the decor, so that’s something to look forward to.
- The people who live in the room next to you? The ones who are coping with stress through copious amounts of copulation, even though only a curtain separates you? When they reach orgasm, I bet they’d love to hear you scream along. That’d be fun!
- Get a few people together and start an amateur dramatic society, then act out your favourite scenes from thematically-relevant movies like ‘Apocalypse Now’, ‘Road Warrior’, ’28 Days Later’ or ‘Armageddon’. Shake it up by making them musicals.
- It’s okay to pick your nose and eat it, but don’t expect any kisses.
- Water will be strictly rationed so showers are no longer an option, but it’s easier to stomach the stench of body odour if everyone pretends its the newest fragrance from Gucci.
- Only flush toilet paper down the toilets. Please please please remember this rule, now more than ever.
- That woman with the annoying hyena laugh? The one you hear late at night, echoing through the halls? I hate to break it to you, but that’s actually you. Doesn’t the carpet look beguiling tonight?
It’s number 42. It was mandatory.
For those not in the know, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is the book you will need if ever the Earth is destroyed to make way for a hyper-spatial bypass and you are stranded, hitchhiking around space with your best-friend who turns out to be an alien, his double-headed cousin who’s sort of the President of the Universe, and someone you fell in love with at a party in Islington and then never saw again until after the end of the world. Alternately, it is a series of books, or a film, or a radio series, or a TV show about that book and a person who has just such an adventure. Or a website that was trying to do a light-hearted version of Wikipedia before there were wikis. This is the theme tune for the TV Show, and I think you’ll agree that it’ll help you not to panic when the Earth explodes.
Oh, you knew it was just a matter of time! Looky there, Avenger and Bond Girl (and overdue for GGSA Idol status) Honor Blackman stars with stalwart Richard Briers and the legendary Alan Ford — and a bunch of young folks — in the latest zombie apocalypse with a twist and a few guffaws. You can bet the Apocalypse Gals will be there!
Cockneys v Zombies: the trailer (h/t to Lochee for the heads up!)
Lara Croft started life as a pixelated person running around stealing stuff and shooting people and endangered or even previously thought extinct species. Her mythology has developed somewhat since then. This present day female Indiana Jones has a series of games, two movies where she is played by Angelina Jolie, comics and has been portrayed by a series of models.
What’s her deal?
Lady Croft (as she certainly was in the movies if not before) is a tough and beautiful tomb raider, addicted to the adventure, fearless and ruthless if she has to be, she is in it for the crack rather than the money and certainly not seeking world domination. Adventure and danger for the sake of it, which is of course why we like her. It’s all well and good being strong and brave when you have no choice, but when you just think it looks like fun, that puts you in a different league.
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider Legend 2006): I don’t know, let’s see. Try begging for your life like you did the last time we spoke.
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider Legend 2006): Make sense right now or I swear I will execute you right where you stand!
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider film 2001): I woke up this morning and I just hated everything.
Lara Croft (Cradle of Life 2003) : Please. You don’t think I’d go vaulting into thin air for nothing, do you? I put a tracer on the crate.
A contemporary idol and adventurous spirit. Lara is wilful, independent and in spite of her dubious career does the right thing when it really counts. A great idol for an apocalypse girl.
You know us and zombies. Of course you do.
… Big amounts of kudos to the designers and creators of the deck – it’s definitely something very different. It’s a great item to buy for yourself or a friend(s) who a) like zombies b) worry about the next move during the coming zombie apocalypse or c) just needs something utterly and completely different in their lives.
That sounds like you guys, right?
By the way, we love the Geek Syndicate boys and their team: if you’ve not been, you should definitely take a look at their site. All flavours of geekawesome catered for.
Thanks to Liz and GS for giving us the OK to share the zombie tarot love!