Running in Heels (From Zombies)

Just because the apocalypse has arrived, there is simply no excuse for a girl to allow her beauty regime to slip. Remember ladies, it is your responsibility to ensure you look fighting fit at every moment. With this in mind, I thought it important to look at a key element for any survivor – footwear.

Now, whilst flats or even trainers might seem the sensible shoe of choice for a girl when running from zombies, every girl knows that heels elongate the leg, while boots allow for weapons to be stored and ballet shoes can be bought in any colour to match our apocalypse outfit. Here we will look at the most popular types of shoes and discuss their merits based on style, comfort and usefulness.

Wellington Boots:
Style & comfort: Not the most glamourous, the trusty welly does come in a range of colours to match your apocalypse wardrobe. Throw on an extra pair of socks to keep them on and your feet warm. The other bonus is that they are super-easy to clean, and with an alien attack taking up most of your focus, who has time for difficult aftercare? A quick wash under the tap and all that gore is go-go-gone.
Usefulness: There’s plenty of room to store snacks and weapons in their wide necks but food and weapons can fall out of the top.
As worn by: Bella Swan – Twilight

Leather boots:
Style & comfort: The trusty leather boot comes in a handy range of lengths, from knee length to thigh high, they also hide a multitude of sins for those ladies who’ve missed an aerobics class or two since the start of the apocalypse. They can match nearly any outfit, from pirate style, cowgirl to office trendy, the choice is yours. With a good rub of polish they’re fit to fight another day and if chosen in a dark colour, they will hide those pesky blood stains.
Usefulness: Boots are great for storing things from snacks to weapons as well as that all important lip gloss, their usefulness and ability to keep your stuff strapped to your leg is hindered only by your imagination.
As worn by: Buffy Summers – Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Angelica Teach – Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides; Selene – Underworld; Ellen Ripley – Alien; Trinity – Matrix

Biker boots:
Style & comfort: If you can pull them off, they look great with a cute dress, leather jacket and shotgun thrown across your back, but with the biker boots, it’s all about the attitude. If you’re shy and timid ladies, steer well clear because these boots will gobble you up faster than a genetically modified zombie. Be careful though ladies: Biker boots eat blood and gore for breakfast.
Usefulness: Hard-wearing they protect you from the bite of a hungry zombie
As worn by: Alice – Resident Evil; River Tam – Serenity/Firefly; Sarah Conner – Sarah Conner Chronicles

Ugg boots:
Style & comfort: Is there a more comfortable boot? The sheepskin keeps your tootsies warm while crouching in a cave, waiting for the werewolf pack to move off. The downside? One splash of zombie ooze and they are ruined.
Usefulness: Well, if you get really cold, you could make a very small hat out of them, or on lonely nights pretend they are your long dead pet cat.
As worn by: Surprisingly not yet worn by many Apocalypse survivors. Possibly due to the fact that sheep are always the first to get killed when hounds of hell charge across the countryside.

High Heels/Pumps:
Style & comfort: There is no doubt that heels win big in the style stakes but how do they fare when running from the massing vampire hoards? Having tested numerous pairs in the name of writing a fully comprehensive article, I can confirm that a wider heel allows slightly more support but frankly, when looking this sharp, the undead fashion victims will be running from you.
Usefulness: Described by Adora Belle Dearheart as the most dangerous weapon in the world, they certainly kill in the style stakes. Heels can also be used to stab, puncture and generally maim. Remember though ladies, you really need to keep those heels well sharpened! Also, they look great when trying to glam up your apocalypse wardrobe for an evening stroll through the debris of your hometown.
As worn by: Adora Belle Dearheart – Going Postal; Babydoll – Sucker Punch

Wedge heels:
Style & comfort: Whilst the wedge heels can make you walk like a flapping duck they do have the benefit of offering support which narrower heels do not. Not for amateurs!
Usefulness: Unlike other shoes, the wedges can be adapted to hold a variety of key weapons, antidotes or food, there’s even some which can hold CD’s so you can pump out your beats while beating back the hoards of hell.
As worn by: Aeon Flux – Aeon Flux

Armadillo:
Style & comfort: Really? When the apocalypse comes, we don’t need ridiculous footwear that could be mistaken for a tasty rodent by a confused zombie.
Usefulness: Aside from giving fellow survivors a good laugh, these shoes really don’t have much use.
As worn by: I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.

Slippers
Style & comfort: Let’s be honest, none of us knows when the apocalypse will come and there’s a chance you might get caught wearing your pink fluffy bunny slippers. They are comfy, they are warm and they match your jammies.
Usefulness: Like the Ugg boots, you can hug them on cold nights as the nuclear clouds blot out the sun and keep small children entertained by putting on puppet shows with the character slippers. Or, if you have a pair in the shape of ‘werewolf’ or other creature feet, then they can become key to any disguise you need to clear a path through the hoards.
As worn by: Whilst none of our famous survivors have chosen slippers as their footwear of choice to survive the apocalypse, it’s really only a matter of time.

So there you have it girls, your guide to footwear for the apocalypse. There are styles which have not been mentioned (ballet, clogs, blocks) and really your choice comes down to personal preference but remember, when it comes time to kill, killer style starts from the bottom up.

5 Responses to Running in Heels (From Zombies)

  • Dungeonmum says:

    biker boots and trainers sound most sensible. Heels – are you nuts? Ugg boots – pretty poor choice. They are in fact slippers, with 0 ankle support. Cue twisted/broken ankles followed by being eaten by ravenous swarms of the undead.

  • hagelrat says:

    I’d favour a sturdy pair of biker boots myself although if you *can* run in stilletos then they also double as an extra weapon. Have tried running in wellies, not easy. Much to ponder. *looks worriedly at pretty shoes*

  • I’m tempted to pack some bunny slippers – might be able to use them as a diversion if need to distract werewolves. Boots probably have my vote too, but there’s always room in a rucksack for heels 😉

  • MadNad says:

    I agree with the comment on Ugg boots. Completely impractical, and damn ugly too. I hate seeing girls slopp about in them. I am with Hagelrat – biker boots all the way.

  • I am in favor of the wedges and the pumps gotta look good while killin and chillin.

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