The Apocalypse Has Begun!

posted by Honeybadger on Behalf of Danacea, Warrior Mum.
Parental Advisory on language ;p

The Zombie Apocalypse has started in Leicester Square. It has started in M&M World. It has started, and the colours of Hell are red, green and yellow. Satan is a giant chocolate in white gloves.


The trudging, starving nightmares don’t hunger for brains; they hunger for sugar. They don’t want flesh, they want candy. They want London-branded souvenir candy. And if that’s not enough, they want blinged-up shades with the M&M logo in diamante on the side.


Caught, in the midst of that horror, you reach for your weapons. Your trusty shotgun, used in all the movies; your toolbelt, your machete, your woodman’s axe. But you have none of these things – you’re Christmas shopping, and all you have are your elbows.


The hordes swamp you, they crush you on stairwells and they bear you to the floor. They tramp over you, oblivious. They must reach the chocolate; they must have the keychain, the t-shirt, the bag-for-life. You’re being swallowed alive by the garish primary colours of Hades and there’s a soundtrack, ringing in your brain, the soundtrack of your own ending. Will the last noise you hear really be Slade screaming, “It’s Christmaaaaaaassss!”


In your final moments, you rally. You reach deep within yourself for your last reserves of courage. You wield your trusty bag and your Doctor Martens and you fight, fight, to reach the door. But they will not let you pass – even as you see the Winter sky, bright and cold over the city, even as you reach for it, more of them are coming through the door.

They are endless.


In your last moments, you understand. As the horror finally devours you, there is one blazing truth left in your mind…

Fuck me, chocolate or not, I am NEVER setting foot in that place again.

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